Today I am unpacking what really happens when someone files a PFA, when you should file one, and the uncomfortable truth: sometimes litigating a PFA can backfire and damage your custody case.
First Things First: Pennsylvania Does Not Have “Restraining Orders”
Every time you hear someone on TV say, “She got a restraining order,” just know: that’s not what we have here.
In Pennsylvania, we have PFAs—Protection From Abuse orders.
And they come with specific rules, definitions, and limitations, starting with this:
You must have a qualifying relationship.
A PFA can only be filed against someone with whom you have (or had):
- a sexual/intimate relationship,
- a marriage,
- a shared child, or
- a parent/child relationship.
So no—you can’t get a PFA against your boyfriend’s ex harassing you. You may still have other legal remedies, but not a PFA under the domestic abuse statute.
What Actually Counts as Abuse Under PA Law?
Here’s where people get tripped up.
A PFA is not for:
- name-calling
- insults
- emotional abuse
- financial control
- general mistreatment
Those issues matter—a lot. But they don’t meet the legal threshold for a PFA.
PFAs require one of the following:
1. Actual bodily injury
Punches. Hits. Physical assaults. Injuries.
2. Attempted bodily injury
Trying to hit, shove, or harm someone.
3. Serious, imminent threats of bodily injury
Not “I’m so mad at you.”
More like:
“I’m coming to your house with a gun, and I’m going to kill you.”
That meets the standard.
“I’m going to punch you in the face” can qualify, depending on context.
4. Stalking or sexual assault
But again—the threat must put you in reasonable fear of bodily harm.
This is why filing a PFA isn’t as simple as “they were terrible to me.”
The law is specific for a reason.
Temporary PFAs: Fast, One-Sided, and High Stakes
When someone files a PFA petition, the first step is:
An ex parte hearing
Meaning only the plaintiff is present.
A judge reviews your petition and decides whether to issue a temporary PFA, which immediately:
- restricts contact,
- can remove someone from their home,
- can require firearm surrender, and
- lasts until a full hearing (typically within 10 days).
A temporary “win” is not a guarantee of a final order.
A temporary denial is not the end of the road either—but it’s often a sign that litigation may not go your way.
And here’s the most important part:
You should never continue living together once a temporary PFA is filed. Nothing good comes from that.
Police Reports Don’t Work the Way You Think
This shocks people:
Calling police to “create a record” is not evidence.
Police reports are hearsay unless the officer witnessed the event. They’re not admissible to prove abuse in a PFA hearing.
If you’re in danger, call 911.
If you’re not in danger and just want “documentation,” calling the police won’t help your PFA case.
The BIG Danger: Litigating a Weak PFA Can Destroy Your Custody Case
Here’s the part people rarely hear—and the reason for this blog.
I recently had a case where a mother truly was abused. But she litigated a PFA two years earlier … and she lost. The judge in the custody trial later relied heavily on that prior denial to conclude:
- “I guess the abuse wasn’t that bad.”
- “If the PFA judge didn’t find abuse, why should I?”
- “And you lived together afterward? That must mean you weren’t scared.”
It was devastating and, in my opinion, an incorrect interpretation.
But it’s what happens when you lose a PFA hearing. Judges rely on findings of fact made in earlier cases—even if the facts were misunderstood, poorly presented, or overshadowed by trauma responses.
Losing a PFA can:
- undermine your credibility
- embolden your abuser (“See? The court said I didn’t do anything!”)
- damage your custody position
- affect future risk assessments under Kayden’s Law
- shift the narrative for years
In this particular case, years later, during custody trial, the court explicitly referenced the prior PFA loss in its decision. That’s how long the consequences last.
So When Should You Not Litigate a PFA?
This is where strategic thinking matters.
If you are safe enough to leave the home without a PFA, and your evidence is thin or heavily dependent on your subjective perception, litigating may cause more long-term harm than good.
In many cases (but not necessarily all cases), I would advise:
Get the temporary PFA. Use it to safely separate. Then withdraw before the full hearing.
Does this feel unfair? Yes.
Does it protect you legally? Also yes.
This prevents:
- a damaging adverse finding,
- a transcript your abuser can use against you,
- a “credibility hit” in future custody proceedings.
And importantly:
It gets you out of danger, which is the real goal.
Why “Truth” Isn’t Enough to Win a PFA Hearing
Clients often say:
“But I’m telling the truth. How could I lose?”
Because court isn’t about truth in a vacuum.
It’s about proving truth to a judge who:
- didn’t witness the events,
- doesn’t know the abuser personally,
- hears extreme facts daily,
- applies strict statutory requirements.
Some judges have backgrounds in criminal law, child dependency, or prosecution. Their thresholds for “abuse” are shaped by what they’ve seen. What traumatized you may not register as “imminent danger” to someone who’s handled homicide cases.
It’s not fair.
But it’s reality.
Kayden’s Law Raises the Stakes Even Higher
Under the updated custody statute, a finding of abuse—even against the other parent, not the child—creates a presumption of supervised custody.
That means:
- If the court finds you committed abuse → you may be moved to supervised visits.
- If the court finds your ex committed abuse → that may trigger supervision for them.
This is why even defendants must think strategically.
One client recently wanted to “fight to clear his name.”
I told him bluntly:
“If this judge finds abuse, you’re supervised. Period.
Do not go to hearing.”
He accepted a PFA without admission, which preserved his 50/50 custody.
Strategy over pride. Every time.
So What Should You Do If You Think You Need a PFA?
Here is the real-world, practical approach:
1. If you are in immediate danger — call 911.
No hesitation. No overthinking.
2. File for a temporary PFA to get to safety.
You can do this at the courthouse or after-hours through the on-call district judge.
3. Before litigating, talk to a family law attorney.
The long-term risks are too high to “figure it out later.”
4. Consider whether withdrawing is safer than fighting.
Especially if:
- the evidence is thin,
- the abuse is primarily emotional,
- you’ve lived together post-incident,
- you’re financially able to leave,
- you’re heading toward a custody battle.
5. Understand that once you walk into court, you lose control.
The judge decides your future—not you.
6. Prioritize safety AND strategy.
You need both. Not one or the other.
The Bottom Line: A PFA Can Save You—or It Can Hurt You
PFAs are powerful tools for protection.
But they are also powerful weapons when used improperly—or when a survivor is advised poorly.
The truth is nuanced:
- Sometimes not litigating a PFA is the safest option.
- Sometimes filing one late can hurt you.
- Sometimes you can lose even when you’re telling the truth.
- Sometimes winning can trigger custody supervision under Caden’s Law.
- And sometimes a temporary PFA is the bridge you need to escape safely.
The goal is never to “be right.”
The goal is:
Be safe. Be strategic. Be prepared for the long game.