Divorce is undeniably one of life’s most challenging experiences—for you, your spouse, and your family. But sometimes, before walking away, it’s worth asking yourself a simple but profound question: Can I give my partner grace?
As a family law attorney, I’ve seen countless marriages come to an end. Yet, some of the most meaningful moments in my work involve helping people find a way to save their relationships, even when it feels impossible. Here’s what I’ve learned about grace, resilience, and the decision to stay.
What Does It Mean to Give Grace?
Giving grace means extending understanding, compassion, and forgiveness—even when it’s hard. It’s about recognizing that none of us are perfect, and that, under different circumstances, we might have made similar mistakes. Grace doesn’t mean ignoring or excusing hurtful actions, but it does mean stepping back to see the bigger picture and asking, “Can we rebuild from here?”
When Divorce Might Not Be the Answer
In many cases, divorce is a necessary and healthy choice, particularly in situations involving abuse, severe addiction, or irreparable harm. But in a “normal” household—one without such extreme circumstances—there may still be room to heal.
Conflict is inevitable in any marriage. The key is deciding whether you can work through it together. If you can, you may save not only your marriage but also the foundation of stability and love your family deserves.
The Advice That Changed My Life
Before I became a family law attorney, I was a prosecutor and had no intention of practicing family law. But one piece of advice I received when I was getting married profoundly shaped my approach to both my personal and professional life: “Divorce is not an option.”
At first glance, this advice might sound rigid or unrealistic. But it’s not about tolerating an unhealthy relationship; it’s about committing to always come back to the table. It’s about viewing your spouse as your teammate, your best friend, and your partner—even when life gets hard.
For 17 years, this mindset has helped my own marriage thrive. My spouse and I aren’t perfect; we’re normal people raising three teenagers, navigating life’s ups and downs. But when conflict arises, we come together, talk it out, and remind ourselves that we’re in this together.
The Value of Resilience in Marriage
Marriage isn’t always easy. It requires effort, communication, and a willingness to forgive. But when both partners are willing to work at it, the rewards are immeasurable. Your family deserves a chance to heal and grow together, even when things feel challenging.
When Grace Isn’t Enough
It’s important to acknowledge that sometimes, no amount of grace or effort can save a marriage. In those cases, choosing divorce can be an act of self-respect and a step toward a healthier future for everyone involved. But if there’s even a small chance of reconciliation, taking the time to reflect and extend grace might make all the difference.
Final Thoughts: Is Divorce Truly the Only Option?
If you’re considering divorce, pause and ask yourself: Can I give my spouse grace? Can we rebuild? If the answer is yes, give yourself and your family the gift of trying. And if not, know that choosing divorce is also an act of courage when it’s necessary.
Ultimately, every marriage and family is unique. Whatever path you choose, it should reflect what’s healthiest and best for you and your loved ones.