Custody trials aren’t a quick “go to court and get a decision” situation. They’re long, expensive, stressful, and logistically complicated—for everyone involved.
Most people on the outside imagine something like this:
“We have an issue. We go to court. We tell the judge. The judge decides.”
I wish it was that simple!
Let’s pull back the curtain and talk about what actually happens behind the scenes before you ever set foot in a Pennsylvania custody trial—especially in Chester County—and why all of this is another big reason I tell people:
Court should be your last resort, not your first plan.
The New Chester County Reality: The Long Line to Trial
Chester County, PA changed its custody rules not too long ago. One big impact?
- Cases move much more quickly from conference to the trial list
- But the actual wait for a trial date is now often a year or more
At your custody conciliation conference, if you don’t agree, you’re essentially headed toward a trial. Since the new rules took effect, I can think of only a handful of cases that fully settled at conciliation. Some settle later, but most get pushed onto that long trial track.
What does that mean practically?
- If you like your current order, the delay can actually be an advantage.
- If you hate your current order, that delay is agony.
I have one client right now sitting under an order that is not what I believe the final outcome should be. He’s stuck with it while we wait for our trial date. Meanwhile, another client has an order that is very favorable to her—she has zero incentive to settle quickly.
Same system. Two very different experiences.
A Real Case Timeline: Three Years to Get to Trial
Let me walk you through the rough outline of one current case (with identifying details removed).
- December 2021 – Custody order entered. My client reconciles with the other parent, and that original order is later vacated.
- They then go to the courthouse without counsel and handwrite a new custody order themselves.
- March 2022 – My client comes back to me and says, “This isn’t working.” We file a petition to modify custody.
- April 2022 – We have a conciliation conference. A temporary order is entered.
- A custody evaluation is ordered. The other side delays and drags their feet at every opportunity.
- There are multiple contempt hearings, multiple petitions for special relief, and all sorts of side issues litigated along the way.
- The underlying custody order—one I believe is substantively wrong—stays in place for almost three years.
- December 2024 – We are finally about to begin the actual custody trial.
For almost three years, my client has been living under what every expert involved in the case has essentially agreed is a bad arrangement… but he has not yet had true due process in the form of a full evidentiary trial.
That’s a long time to wait for your “day in court.”
Hearing Officer vs. Judge: Why Due Process Matters
One of the biggest misconceptions I see is about what happens at a custody conference or hearing officer conference versus what happens at trial.
In Chester County:
- Custody conferences / hearing officer conferences are non-evidentiary.
- No sworn testimony.
- No rules of evidence.
- No objections to hearsay.
- The hearing officer is doing their best with what people say in the room.
- A custody trial in front of a judge is very different:
- Witnesses testify under oath.
- Documents must be properly authenticated.
- Hearsay rules apply.
- You build a record that can be appealed.
In this particular case, the other parent made serious but untrue allegations at the conference level. The hearing officer understandably erred on the side of caution and restricted my client’s time with the children.
But that didn’t happen after a full evidentiary trial. It happened in a non-record, non-evidentiary setting.
To fix that?
We needed a trial.
To get a trial?
We needed time.
And because of delays and evaluations and gamesmanship, that time has turned into years.
This is why I tell people: do not handwrite custody orders at the courthouse without talking to an attorney. What sounds reasonable in a stressful moment can lock you into years of litigation trying to undo it.
What Happens Between “We Filed” and “We Went to Trial”?
Clients often assume that once the petition to modify is filed, I’m in court every week “fighting.” In reality, when a case is heading toward trial, the court expects most issues to wait for that trial date.
There are exceptions, and in this case we used all of them:
- Petitions for Special Relief – For limited, urgent issues that can’t wait (think: very specific, time-sensitive problems).
- Contempt Petitions – When the other side simply refuses to follow the existing order. In this case, the other parent was found in contempt more than once.
- Support-related motions – Sometimes support ties into the custody issues and requires hearings of its own.
Every one of those hearings:
- Requires prep time
- Involves court time
- Adds to the overall legal bill
And remember:
- Contempt hearings usually start before a hearing officer, though you can request a new hearing (de novo) before a judge.
- Special relief petitions are now generally heard by a judge, which is usually more formal, more involved, and more expensive.
Meanwhile, the main event—the full custody trial—still looms in the background.
The Cost and Intensity of Trial Prep
Here’s the part many people don’t see: the sheer amount of preparation that goes into a multi-day custody trial.
For this upcoming four-day trial, my life for weeks has looked like:
- Reviewing years of emails, orders, reports, and prior hearing transcripts
- Preparing witness lists and exhibit lists
- Identifying which witnesses actually move the needle (and which ones just repeat the same story)
- Making hard cuts because we have limited time and the court doesn’t want to hear the same thing 15 times
In Chester County, our pretrial statement is limited to three pages. In those three pages, we have to:
- Summarize the case
- Identify the key legal issues
- List our witnesses and what they’re expected to prove
- List our exhibits
That’s not a lot of space for a three-year, high-conflict case.
Then there’s the math no one likes:
For a multi-day trial, a reasonable rule of thumb is about two hours of prep for every hour of courtroom time.
So for a four-day trial, at roughly eight hours of court per day:
- 4 days × 8 hours = 32 hours in court
- 32 hours × 2 hours of prep/hour = ~64 hours of prep
- Total attorney time ~96 hours
Now multiply that by the hourly rate.
Add in a second chair (another attorney).
Add in paralegal time.
I’ve said this to clients and I mean it:
I couldn’t afford my own trial.
No Discovery “Right” in Custody Cases: A Surprise to Most People
Here’s another surprise for many clients:
In Pennsylvania, you do not have an automatic right to discovery in custody cases the way you do in other civil cases.
- No automatic right to send interrogatories or document requests.
- If you want specific records (EZPass logs, certain mental health summaries, etc.), you typically need to file a motion for discovery or get creative and agree with the other side.
In this case, because it’s been litigated so heavily, both sides agreed to exchange documents shortly before trial to streamline evidentiary issues.
But even then, not everything is admissible.
For example:
- The other side sent us an email and a letter they wanted to use.
- Both were hearsay.
- I wrote back and simply said: “These are hearsay.”
That tells them I intend to object at trial. They know why. They also know the only way to get that information in is to bring the actual witness who can testify to it.
You don’t get to just hand the judge a stack of letters and say, “Here, read this and believe it.”
Prepping Witnesses (And Why Your Lawyer Won’t Let You Ramble)
Trial prep isn’t just about documents. It’s about people.
For this case, I:
- Met with my client and his parents more than once.
- Did a run-through of my outlines, didn’t like how it flowed, and completely rewrote them.
- Spent the night before Thanksgiving still at the office revamping the structure.
- Brought everyone in again on a Sunday morning to do another full prep session once I felt the outline was where it needed to be.
- Will meet with my client yet again right before trial for a final pass focused on exhibits and dates.
- Called and prepped every supporting witness individually.
The goal is not to script them. The goal is to:
- Keep them from over-explaining
- Make sure they answer the question asked
- Ensure they understand what’s relevant and what is not
If your lawyer doesn’t prep you for trial, that’s a red flag.
And if you think you can just walk in and “tell your story” without structure, an outline, or any understanding of what the judge is actually deciding? That’s how cases go badly, fast.
Building the Record for Appeal
This case is unique in another way:
- One of the issues may become a case of first impression in Pennsylvania—meaning there’s no existing appellate case law on this exact point.
So while I’m:
- Examining witnesses
- Introducing exhibits
- Arguing objections
…I’m also thinking like this:
“If the other side appeals, what will the Superior Court see on this transcript?
Do they have enough facts and law in the record to understand why the trial judge should rule the way I think she should?”
And if the case goes up to the Pennsylvania Supreme Court, the same question applies.
You can’t build an appellate record after the fact. You build it in real time at trial.
That is not something you want to be figuring out on your own while you’re also freaking out about your kids and trying not to cry on the stand.
Why “Let’s Just Go to Court” Is Usually the Wrong Answer
Here’s the part people don’t want to hear:
Most custody cases do not need to be tried.
Are there exceptions?
Yes.
- Relocation cases where one parent wants to move to another state and the other objects.
- Extreme mental health / safety situations (like the case I’m handling now).
- Very high-conflict situations where there is simply no middle ground and serious concerns about the children’s wellbeing.
But for the majority of families?
- There is a middle ground.
- You may not love it, but you can live with it.
- A negotiated, imperfect agreement that you can both live with is almost always better than rolling the dice and letting a stranger decide your children’s lives.
I tell clients this all the time:
“You can spend the money on my kids’ college or your kids’ college. If you keep litigating, you’re probably paying for mine, not yours.”
And please, if you take nothing else from this, hear this:
You do not need to go to trial so your child will know you ‘fought’ for them.
Your child should not know the details of your litigation.
What they should know is that you worked with their other parent as best you could to keep their life as stable, peaceful, and child-focused as possible.
Your Attorney Should Care (And Also Tell You When Court Isn’t Worth It)
On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I sent my clients in this big case an email saying how grateful I am that they’ve trusted me with their case.
I have cried reading some of the reports. I’ve felt genuinely horrified by what these kids have been through. I am deeply invested in getting this right—not just for my client, but for the children and, frankly, for the law.
You should have an attorney who cares.
You should have one who is honest enough to say:
- “This isn’t worth going to court over.”
- “You don’t need a trial for this.”
- “We can—and should—settle this.”
Because yes, court is sometimes necessary.
But it is never simple.
It is never cheap.
And it is almost never as quick or clean as people hope.
Disclaimer: This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Every case is different. If you’re involved in a custody matter in Pennsylvania, you should consult directly with a family law attorney about your specific situation.